Jul 25 2010

‘Item Thirteen’ for all gender

The biggest attraction for any social gathering in Ghana is ‘Item Thirteen’!!! It’s simply ‘a bait (the food) to get lazy humans (I mean reluctant chicken and pastry hunters) to attend an event!’ Just a few ‘Item Thirteens’ I think everyone afford. (Now you can stop attending those weddings because of the chicken and eat right)

Remember this saying? ‘Eat like a King in the morning, a Prince in the afternoon and Pauper at night!’ whoever propounded that, must have had some real good background in ‘family long-suffering’ (families which have less to feed on) and ‘lineage struggle’. Read on…a few suggestions which would leave you completely feeling good and hey, they are fabulous

Morning: hunt for a bowl of porridge anywhere near your abode. You didn’t find it? Great! Get yourself some oats and cook it up! If you’re not a breakfast-eater, I’m afraid you’ll have to revise your eating habit because breakfast is that one important thing you need, if you want to have a clear head and stay off trouble during the day.

Afternoon: Local dishes are great! I have no style when it comes to food but I know just what kinda food makes me happy (Of course, your food must make you happy!) Instead of the usual fries and liquids (Ghanaians call snacks) You can have some serious wakye or tuo- zafi and ayoyo soup. What about some wild kenkey&kpakpo shito with some neat keta school boys? hmm…yummy yum…One clue! You could get some agbeli kaklo as a starter (especially if you’re broke! ‘cos is made with gari, you get full so quickly that you may spend less on your lunch) and a desert? Bisap (a local drink made out of some leafs. It taste great) would be perfect!

Evening: Night eaters are always carrying the evidence…big bellies! ‘Be ye not among them’(Amen). In the evenings, I eat very little…but if you want to avoid that pot-belly, cut down on eating too much fatty foods at night, foods that take so long to digest and sweets! Eating more of fibrous foods and fruits, would be beneficial!

P.S: of course, those of you who can’t stay off chicken, get some chicken but throw the skin away! Now that you can create and personalize your ‘Item Thirteen’, please go to social gatherings with a ‘CLEAN HEART’ looooooooooool!!

Jul 23 2010

FAT &UGLY??NOT ANYMORE

This is the twenty-first century. A century of peak creativity and craziness. A period of drunkenness and backwardness, a period of poverty and extravagance.

…I’m not a century analyst. That’s not even what this article is about…i wondered off, my apologies.

Have you ever wondered how fashion models came to be so skinny?? Well I’ve wondered too, and i don’t know why

What I know is, the pattern has changed! Meaning? Fat ‘booties’ are flooding the runways!! Let’s take a closer look (with Ghanaian examples, of course)

Exopa: Introduced the ‘X plus fashion show’. In a matter of minutes, there were fat women with their big boobs, pouring all over the place during the auditions. The catwalk was a bliss…hips swinging left and right, ready to hypnotize (hehehee)

Somewhere in recent times (don’t know the date) I happened to accidentally stumble on a beauty pageant being advertised on the TV and it was for the ‘fat and beautiful’

On the world stage??? Take a look at these pics

big mama doing her thing

they definitely want their share

Fat and ugly? Not anymore!

The big mama’s want their share..definitely! Eat up, grow fat…there’s a stage for you!!

(hehehee)

Jul 22 2010

ENOUGH SCREENSAVERS

GIVE US THE REAL DEAL
If there’s one phrase to describe MTN(Ghana), it would be ‘annoyingly irresistible!’

Sensing a big gap in the communication pit in Ghana, it came in. (Wise decisions) Then Ghanaians were overwhelmed. A new service provider apart from the ones they were used to, great! Ghanaian thought (and it was…i agree)

Free night calls
splendid adverts
candid give aways
more dashes,
no more flashes

Ghanaians knew MTN was the long awaited dream.

A few years down the line, and MTN has earned another name. A name other than what they carved for themselves (Most Terrible Network) is no secret with Ghanaians. But why should Ghanaians suddenly turn back on their first love?

MTN Zone was introduced, just in time to save their image (at least that what they thought) But once again, just like *every other one* of their products, it backfired.

Now all you’ve got to do is ask someone: ‘charle do u have percentage?’
and the person replies: ‘the screen saver’s on..50% but i know it go be like 5%’

Let MTN pretend it does not know how much complains Ghanaians are carrying on their heads..let MTN capitalize on the frustrations of switching to a different ‘network’ and continue to introduce ‘self-centered’ products.

Just one advice: “if the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth” (Ecclesiastes 11:3)

I don’t think i fancy the idea of being held captive in a ‘small stinky place’ named prison for tarnishing the image of an ‘ever growing’ communication service provider! I love my freedom! I PAUSE here! There’s a long list of complains but hey, in terms of trouble, I would dance to the music alone! Let each crab carry his own head!!

MTN lovers, think about a way of getting value for money!!
MTN, you know best what to do!

P.S this is a constructive criticism and you know what all criticisms do…
(Best to be on the safer side..lol)

Jul 17 2010

TRASH THAT HEEL!!

SO MANY WOBBLING LEGS ON OUR STREETS…

I’m a ‘seriously down to earth person’ and (for this article, very tall 5’10). But that’s no reason I wrote this article. Look through a lady’s wardrobe and there’s one thing you won’t miss…a high heel! Even if it’s just 2.5cm! Just like all other things, most women don’t even know why they wear high heels, or even find them attractive. What every lady should know about heels…

niddles..for heels

MEDICAL:

“Scientists at Manchester Metropolitan University, in northern England, found continued wear of high heels caused the Achilles’ tendon to thicken and stiffen permanently, so calf muscles were forced to stretch painfully when switching to flat shoes.

In the study, published in the Journal of Experimental Biology, two groups of women aged between 20 to 50 years were tested. One group regularly wore high heels of two inches or more for two or more years, while the other group had always wore flats.

The high heel wearers, who complained of discomfort when they switched to flats, were found to have muscle fibers 13 percent shorter than the women in flats.

If you wear high heels for two years or more, five times a week, the muscle fibers will become shorter and tendons will thicken and stiffen. This has an immediate effect in restricting ankle movement and impacts your ability to walk fast and run — both in heels and flats.”

HISTORICAL:

The history of high heels can actually be traced back to Egypt, 3500BC, where murals on walls show upper class citizens wearing heels for ceremonial purposes, as well as Egyptian butchers wearing them to help them walk through the blood of dead animals

However, it wasn’t until the 16th century when it is claimed that high heels were properly invented. It was in 1533, when Catherine de Medici decided to wear heels on her wedding day to Henry II, a Duke and the future King of France. She was 14 and quite short (not more than 5 foot), so asked a cobbler to make her shoes that would make her appear much taller on her wedding day.

Apparently, she wasn’t really a beauty and her husband had a tall and really pretty mistress. She wanted to dazzle the French on her wedding day, so opted for 2 inch heels to make her appear slightly taller, and appear to have a more towering physique. It is claimed that she is the original inventor of the high heel, and she did set the rage in Paris for heeled shoes.

(Um…sorry but I have to shove junk of that information…)

But it wasn’t until the roaring twenties, that the heel regained its full glory again. Hemlines became much shorter, and this encouraged very high and slender heels.
Both the 30′s and 40′s were tough times, so the heel became more moderate, with lower and wider heels. At the same time, though, Hollywood gave the heel a new edge, with many actresses wearing sparkly and glittery heels, which challenged the traditional French heel.

The 50′s and 60′s saw a revival of really high heels. Christian Dior kindly invented the stiletto for us. He collaborated with designer Roger Vivier to develop a low-cut ‘Louis’ shoe, with a narrow heel. Interesting fact: Stiletto in Italian means small dagger, with a slender, tapering blade.
Then, with the creation of the miniskirt in the 60′s (my second favorite decade), heeled boots were made, to enhance the look of bare legs.

TECHNICAL:

they can cause foot pain
they increase likelihood of sprains and fractures
they make calves look more rigid and sinewy
they can create foot deformities, including hammertoes and bunions
they can cause an unsteady gait
they can shorten the wearer’s stride
they can render the wearer unable to run
altered forces at the knee caused by walking in high-heels may predispose to degenerative changes in the knee-joint
Women who wear high heels frequently have a higher incidence of degenerative joint disease of the knees. This is because they cause a decrease in the normal rotation of the foot which puts more rotation stress on the knee

PRACTICAL:

Why do women wear heels so high they can barely walk in them? It’s one of many questions that men can’t seem to figure out…even though THEY are one of the reasons.

Heels look sexy at times but it’s a punishment, really. Most women slouch when walking and grab the least chance to take them off (out of the site of men, of course) Women just wanna keep up with latest trend of fashion and that’s the only reason a woman would wear heels!

THE GHANAIAN FLAVOUR

But most Ghanaian ladies have adopted a ‘Ghanaian way’ of wearing heels. ‘Working class’ ladies wear heels to the office and in the course of the day, wear slippers. At church, whiles the pastor’s preaching…most women are feeling comfortable in their slippers. After the sermon, boom! Back to the heel business…!! College isn’t any different. Heels keep the lecture halls lively! The last time I went to the salon, I saw so many heels outside with their owners inside and wearing slippers!! Why? wearing high heels be force?? So many wobbling legs crowd my view these days all because Ghanaian ladies too want to be ‘high fashioned’!

Ghanaian flavour..why not

Ladies…be true and do your thing! Be yourselves and trash that heel!!

(Again…It’s not ‘cos I’m tall…;-))

Jul 13 2010

Just before U DIE..!!

even Octopus Paul can't resist his looks..

even Octopus Paul can't resist Alan's looks..

A Letter To the Most Revered Octopus Paul..

Hello Mr,

Your fame and intelligence, has spread wide and far. And has aroused the interest of power-hungry individuals in my country.

Recently, I had my quiet time and realized that, what my hungry politicians need, is divine revelation. Pardon me, Mr. Paul, if I speak in too many biblical terms. That is the only way I know

As I was saying, in a few months, a political party called NPP, would be deciding who to make the presidential candidate. So I thought it wise to seek your opinion on this issue. Let me briefly expose you to the potential presidential candidates

‘woy3 woy3r3’ his name is Nana Akuffu Addo…I usually avoid describing his physique but I can’t deny you that pleasure, honorable Octopus Paul.

this finger could be pointing at me, if i go to farrrrrr..

this finger could be pointing at me, if i go too faaaaaaarr..

He is SHORT, round headed and eyed as well. And from the size of his head, he’s a very intelligent individual. Some say ‘he nearly escaped dwarfism’ but I think it’s a gross exaggeration. I can’t deny however, that he has a huge and brilliant opportunity to be ‘bow legged’ Mr. Paul, please don’t let me inquire the wrath of the politicians of my land. Let me stop here…abruptly

The next on the list is popularly known as ‘Alan Cash’ from his name, he grows cash from all ‘four corners of his mouth’(imagine a mouth with four crners…heheheee.) He’s a very kind man. Wherever he passes, cash flows. If he should be president…Alan Cash

the ladies man

is ‘the ladies man’ of the NPP. Is there more to his looks? I’m not sure. His cash is more important to the people of my land.

Octopus, I hear you’ll be dying very soon since you can’t live more than two full years!! Well that’s pathetic!! But you would die..hehehee. But before you die, you have to finish this important task: selecting the presidential candidate in the NPP, for the year, 2012. It’s a task worth considering. You know why? Ghanaians don’t really love ‘designer octopus’ so they would help you live longer. How does that sound? Good huh?

There is more to my petition but please let me hear from you soon.

From a concerned citizen

Signed

Jul 10 2010

I’ve got no beef with Exopa Boss…but I don’t understand why this whole issue is dragging

Exopa Boss, Ibrahim Sima, who was arrested a couple of months ago, has appeared before court for the second time. Well this time round, he didn’t waste time in narrating a ‘tall tale’ of what made him ‘confess to stuffing his yams with cocaine’. (I didn’t say a tall tale because it’s false, I only said so ‘cos the explanation was really ‘tall’) Ibrahim Sima narrated previous encounters with CEPS officials across the Aflao – Lome border. In his final analysis, he made it clear that, he was innocent and earlier confessed to stuffing those yams, just to escape harsh treatment from the security personnel. (I reserve my comment on this) You know what I found more intriguing, Mr. Ibrahim Sima said, during the inspection made by some security personnel, he noticed that, some of his bread has been eaten!! (well I don’t blame whoever ate it…he sure must have been hungry )

Once again, the court has adjourned the case till July 12, 2010.

In my own ‘deepest thoughts’ this whole cocaine issue might end silently with Ibrahim back to running his Exopa. One thing I’ve been wondering about, is whether Exopa (Ghana’s largest model agency) would still operate as it used to.

Exopa has been running a modeling school for a period of time now. Many Exopa models, continually show their undying love and support for their boss. If I were a model at Exopa with intentions of taking modeling seriously, I would look elsewhere. Come to think of it, so many model agencies have sprung up out of nowhere. In Accra for instance, there are more than twenty model agencies (I’m not guessing). Some operate even without license but then there is always a young lady or man, ready to sign up. It leaves me in a fix as to what the future of modeling industry is going to look like

My Favorite Model of the week

Her name is Ely Barbeii Minaj. I stumbled on her during one of my numerous browsing escapades. I just know there’s something special about her. She stepped into the industry barely a month ago and is ready to shake the country with her flattering pictures. She is real good in front of the camera (one look at her pictures and you would understand!)She’s currently with Star Model Agency (I know you haven’t heard of that) Just be on the watch out for her!! A great talent…